She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
