Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just high enough for therapy.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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