the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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