It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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