my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Randomize
