3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
