a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
