I'm really into asian looking animals
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
