Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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