when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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