You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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