see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
