Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
