3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
