I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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