bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
