i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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