I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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