I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
