what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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