There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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