i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
