Moan for me like Helen Keller
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
