this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
