Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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