So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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