I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
