I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
