no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
