SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize