I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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