I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
