If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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