Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
