i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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