Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
