I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
