I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize