i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
