Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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