I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
