she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
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