Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
