Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
