the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
