do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
