Life is so much better after having sex.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
