I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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