she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
