guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
