She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
