covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
