i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
