I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
