guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize