Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so let's talk penis.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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