Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
