If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
