dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
