I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize