Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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