I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
