And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
