i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
