He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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