She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
What drink are we having for lunch?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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