I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I have aggressive nipples.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
