i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
