I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
