I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
you had me at cake vodka
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
