Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize