I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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