He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
so much tequila, so little girl.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
