Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
