I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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