I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
