They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
