What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
