Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
