I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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