I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
