It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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