you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
