i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
my poor anus
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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