He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
50% drunk capacity currently
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize