My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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