We're facebook friends in real life
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
