Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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