Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
