so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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