Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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